Being a man... well... it is Bob we're talking about

So yesterday I decided after much deliberation to try and 'fix' the clothes dryer, because its been making one hell of a racket recently.

Now fixing stuff isn't a trait I consider myself adapt or even remotely interested in, but I figured to get a 'man' in would cost about what a brand new clothes dryer would cost, and as the thing isn't mine (left here by a old flatmate, who will one day hopefully want it back) I have no interest in spending money on fixing it.

I figured that something must be caught somewhere in the mechanism (or whatever makes the damn thing work) and thus it makes a kinda screeching noise, which I assume isn't good for it and it definitely isn't something I enjoy, well maybe some years ago when I was a big industrial music fan but I'm older now and my ears are delicate or at least my mind is - it was Sunday after all.

So I took to the thing with a screwdriver thingy and a sense of dread. I managed to get the back metal covering off only to realise there's more to it than that, much more and here I lost any sense of adventure I might have started with. I had figured it might be a bit beyond my lack of any skills in this sort of thing, but I hadn't counted on the damn thing having more, um, hell I don't know what it is I encountered, but if something was impeding the things movement, as I assumed, it wasn't open to view or feel, there were more covers and other things I wouldn't even know where to start on labeling what they were or might be in my way.

So I opted for cleaning the inside, got all the accumulated fluff and dust out of the beast - a kicking of tires if you will.

I also found a g string tucked done the back of the machine - not mine, too small, not my colour either.

Probably Angela's, whose moved out now - how the hell does one return a G string.... I feel embarrassed to even mention it?

"Hey Angela, Here's ya G String, I've finished with it now..." - no?
"Hey Angela, I've been wearing this, got one in blue?
"Hey Angela, I found this behind the clothes dryer" - that should work I guess.


Well, back to the dryer, I managed to get the back on the thing again, which is a result in itself. I even found a use for the one screw I had left over (hope it wasn't important), it fitted rather neatly into my ear. On a prayer I figured maybe I'd done enough, in the fixing department - the optimist... so on completion of my macho part of the day/week/year/decade/millennium I tried it out, by attempting to dry some washing.

Of course I'd done nothing or any use or merit, well there was the g, and thus the screeching was back.

I retired to the lounge, somehow smaller in stature.

I watched a episode of Star Trek - the original series of course. Please note I am not a trekkie nor remotely a fan of this show, even though I do adore sci fi, it was on thus I watched it, I had tears in my eyes.

The shrieking seemed to intensify.. to the point where I could stand it no more, closing doors didn't help.

I put the g on my head, too small to make a difference.

So I did the only thing a real man (?) could do at this point, I kicked and shook the bejesus out of that damn machine....

and bugger me if it didn't sort the problem out

for now




*** Please note I do not advocate nor advise using this technique on living beings, save it for inanimate whiteware for violence is not a solution to anything.