Monday, October 31, 2005

The Long & The Short Of It

Monday 2-4

New Order - Bizarre Love Triangle (Factory) 1986
Devo - Here To Go (Go mix version) (Warners) 1986
Greenskeepers - Go (No Assembly Firm rmx) (GK Music) 2005
Anne Will - Move D (Libe Detail) 2005
Bear Who - Funky City (Crump Daddy Club) (Dust Traxx) 2005
Trade Marq - Broken Wagon (Banaza) 2005
DJ Freestyle & Joe Silva - Slide (Trumpet mix) (Guest House) 2005
The Fall - And Therein (Phonogram) 1990
Stacy Kidd - Rock N Roll (Afterschool) 2004
Josh One - Afterhours (Myutopia) 2005
Chris Grant - The Jimmy Jam (Sound Republic rmx) (jackin Tracks) 2005
Bloom - Jackin The Funkstalk (Dot Bleep) 2005
Swiss Tony - Shabooya (White) 2005
Wah Syndicate - Now That We've Found Love (Lil MArk rmx) (Nepenta) 2005
Sweet Clones - Vinces Big Con (No Assembly Firm rmx) (Robsoul) 2005
Ion - Everything (Aroma) 2005
DJ Hell - Copa (Abe Duque rmx) (Disko B) 1999

Best taken with oranges and lemons

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Dogs Rule - End of!

Ok we've had this discussion before... and here we go again..

First up here's a picture to make you go Aaaaaahhhhh....

A Dog kissing a Dolphin!!

Now you wouldn't get a shitty little cat doing that, now would ya?

Note: A Different Dog & A Different Dolphin

Do you see any cats in these photo's? - NO!

Why? - I hear you ask....

Cause a cat would be too busy begging food off some old lady down the road, going through rubbish bins or sleeping!

Even the dog handler on the boat Celebrates the moment by lightin' up a Fat One!

You don't ever see a cat handler doing that, do you?

A cat handler would be too busy, giving the cat 'shotguns' & watching it get high!!!

Are there even cat handlers?

Anyways, we've had this discussion before, & "Everybody on the Internet" agreed that cats were shit!

Sorry if you weren't at the meeting, but maybe you should get up abit earlier in the morning....

Dogs - 2
Cats - 0

End of discussion

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Now we is one

Well it was October 25th 2004 that the first post is dated on this blog so

happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me

In actual fact its only been a bit over a month

Still party hats on and fairy bread all round I say

toot toot

Monday, October 24, 2005

The Long & The Short Of It

Monday 2-4
Labour Day

Mr Hermano - Jugando Con Fuego (Disorient) 2001
Block 16 - Sweet Bassoon (Nuphonic) 2001
Blaze - Lovelee Dae (Beloved Vocal Mix) (CLassic) 1997
Fat Freddys Drop - A Hope (MKL vs Soy Soy rmx) (Kartel) 2004
Presence - Future Love (Love from San Francisco rmx) (Pagan) 1999
Josh One - After Hours (Wally Callerio rmx0 (Myutopia Recordings) 2005
Wah Syndicate - Now That We've Found Love (Lil mark rmx) (Nepenta) 2005
Liebe Detail - Move D (Word & Sound) 2005
Mayaku - Music matters (Tom Bone) 2005
DJ Freestyle - Girlz & Boyz (Good Family) 2005
DJ Total M - Don't Cha (Mammas Home Cookin) 2005
Bloom - Slip Slip (Dot Bleep) 2005
Ion - Everything (Aroma) 2005
Ric Nasty - Gotta Have It (Peaches) 2005
Del Costa & Pedo Goya - Metropolis (MFF) 2005

Best taken after eight hours hard labour with a cup of tea at smokeo

Friday, October 21, 2005

Fashion Rules

So I played records at fashion week, every males dream perhaps....

I may update this post at some point with some comments on what I saw, for now here's the records I played

Mr Hermano - Jugando Con Fuego (Disorient)
Block 16 - Sweet Bassoon (nuphonic)
Onionz - Afro Funk (Obsessive)
Kaori - Good life (Disorient)
Addvibe - Deep 83
Roy Davis jnr -Michael (Love From San Francisco mix) (Nuphonic)
House Of 909 - Beautiful Day (Cevin Fisher rmx) (Pagan)
Soane & Reset - Herringbone (Paper)
Presence - Future Love (Love from San Francisco rmx) (Pagan)
Weekend Players - Into The Sun (Tiefschwarz rmx0 (Multiply)
Gemini - We Are The Future (Classic)
Iz & Diz - Mouth (Pepe raddock rmx) (Classic)
Roy Davis jnr - About Love (Isolee rmx) (Classic)
Mateo & Matos - Feel the Groove (Foreplay)
Mojo Project - In My Life (John Arnold rmx) (Love Monk)
Greenskeepers - On The Line (GK Music)
James Kurd - Hey baby (Stripped Down mx) (Igloo)

Thursday, October 20, 2005

I could really do with a sausage now

So about a month after we went to the polls a government is formed, yippee, we all cry. Or do we? Is this the sort of government one would want for New Zealand? It’s a historic moment for our Nation; we have our first Labour lead Government that has retained power for three terms - maybe for now that should read won three elections in a row. Lets hope this is becomes a positive entry into our history books.

I know personally I’m not overly surprised by the make up of what is now our new Govt, a tad disappointed but not surprised. My primary source of disappointment is the way our Labour lead government has succumbed to the power brokers, NZ First and United Future – the parties who basically would support anyone as long as it gave them more power than they warrant. I guess this is one of the positives presented in a negative fashion (for me) of our MMP system. Great that the minority parties have a say in the running of our country but how much of a say should they have?

I am a little disappointed at the way the Greens, who have been so supportive of Labour have all but been left out in the cold. I’m sure there’s more to this and somehow I feel this is where the Greens want to be, considering the Govt’s other bedfellows. I’m no greenie, yet I feel of all the smaller parties they have the most to offer us in govt, mainly because they actually have strong policies of their own and have a good track record of saying and pushing for the right things, especially when it comes to our environment. Which I fear is more important with each passing day than ever before.

I’m not upset the Maori party has no power and if anything the election has shown them to be the useless mob I do believe they are. They were set up as a reaction against Labour and the Seabed and Foreshore bill and I can’t help thinking much of their motivation is personal not Maori focused. The fact they allowed National to court them so, says it all. I can’t imagine how they could even entertain coalition talks with a party that had so many policies that were the complete opposite of what the Maori Party should have been gunning for. Maori deserve better, actually we all do. Lift ya game or disappear please.

Should I be surprised at the outcome and the terms dictated by United Future and NZ First, well I’d like to be. However in a world where job security is all but a myth and politicians’ lot is more likely to be a short stint in public office. Which is of course a position that is quite well paid, very well by most people’s standards but not so well compared to those power brokers in the business world. Having said that, most of our politicians’ aren’t the sorts who would have climbed to the heady well paid peaks of the commercial world, thus it’s a good gig and one can expect them to make the most of it whilst they can and the longer they feed from the public trough the more perks both short and long term than can command and expect. The more power they hold, the more perks and potential longer time they will hold public office etc etc etc.

If clever the politican will also find their post politics niche and thus future earner. I’d like to think this isn’t a motivation for our politicians’, but to think they don’t consider such things would be innately naïve. Politics is a profession, one like so many others in our small land, one that doesn’t have the same timelines nor opportunities as one would expect and find in a nation much larger than ours. So they make hay whilst the sun shines.

One things for sure the next three years will certainly be an interesting one in the political arena, whether it will be a beneficial one for the nation only time will tell, I have a feeling the country won’t go backwards, nor however can I say with any assurance that it will continue the forward progress we’ve experienced over the past two terms under Labour. We have a government that shows some of the inherent flaws of our MMP system, yet its also a government with more experience than any on how to perform as a coalition, which in itself is a good thing.

One thing I feel is assured, next election there will be more sausage sizzles at the polling booths. At the very least that is my desire. I hope that thats in three years, only time now will tell.

On the update front, I have finally tracked down the irritating source of noise in the music mixes I am trying to create on me puter – the AC power chord isn’t grounded, thus there is a constant hum. Bloody stupid, bloody technology. Do I look like a bloody electrician? Do I look like the sort of guy who would have kn own this? Is it simple or easy to find out this fact – no it wasn’t, I should say it wasn’t too hard, but then I do feel I am very good at finding things on the internetweb. Should it be – I think so. Do I have to buy a new cord, yes I do. Bitter, damn right!

I wonder if Helen feels the same frustration at the situation she found her party in?

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Third World Debt - Bob & Bono wot you reckon?

The proliferation of finance companies offering to help those up to their eyeballs in debt seems to one of the biggest growth industries in our debt laden world. Good business for those with few ethics and morals and a healthy desire for huge profits.

Every night in prime time slots in TVland (i.e. the expensive time to advertise) we are offered the services of countless companies offering to help ease the hassle of paying off multiple debts.

This got me thinking, why don't the third world nations (and others too) consolidate all of their debts into one affordable monthly payment???

Surely if my research, (watching these ads), is correct this is the way to solve all financial problems. So why not do it for those that need support the most?

I wonder what Paul Wolfowitz would make of this. Sure he'd be a supporter.

I also await Bob and Bono's response to idea with baited breath. I wonder if they even bother to read my blog?

Speaking of whom, how cool was the Noble Peace Prize going to the International Atomic Energy Agency, the U.N'.s nuclear watchdog, and its director-general Mohamed el Baradei? Bloody cool I reckon. Also a nice slap in the face to the Bush Administration, an Administration which seems hell bent on using Nukes at some time soon.

On the subject of weapons of mass destruction, I am ashamed to admit I’ve watched too much of the final throes of NZ Idol, in my defense I find it a nice substitute for self flagellation, less effort on my part needed for a similar result.

I don’t care who won or any of the finer points, though am enjoying at the moment how the local branch of Sony/BMG have all but said they are unhappy with the winner, may not support another Idol show and basically are in damage control before the poor girl even has a chance to show what she’s worth, sales wise. What a bunch of coks, surely they could have kept these sorts of rumours out of the public arena, at least until they have a proven failure on their hands. Supporting their artist all the way…. Nice one.

I’ve me fashion week gig tomorrow, watching some of the highlights thus far, it seems shorts have made a timely comeback, shame my arse and legs don’t look quite as nice as the lovely ladies used to model such innovative wear. Never fear I shall be kitted out in shorts anyway, old man arse an all. I can’t decide what to play, dumped the 100% kiwi action, cause I can’t be bothered digging all the records I may play out. Probably just take the easy option and grab a bunch of nice inoffensive summery tunes, stuff the music I am really only interested in vodka and eye candy. Well that’s not entirely true, some sandwiches and/or nibbles wouldn’t go amiss either. Maybe some pies too, for the ladies of course – they all look like they need a decent feed.

Labour weekend ahead, damn these public holidays, why do they almost always fall on a Monday? I shall be doing my radio show – which isn’t bad, just for some reason it seems wrong to be doing so when I should be in the bath celebrating the 40 hour working week in a manner befitting the day.

For the tree watchers, theres plenty of leaves out me window this morning. A few more days and I'll have forgotten what the bugger looked like nude.

Monday, October 17, 2005

The Long & The Short Of It

Monday 2-4

Coldcut - Timber (Ninja Tune) 1998
Roy Davis Jnr - Michael (Love From San Francisco mix) (Nuphonic) 1999
Addvibe - Deep 83 (Discfunction) 2000
House Of 909 - Beautiful Day (Cevin Fisher rmx) (Pagan) 1998
Mateo & Matos - Feel The Groove (Foreplay) 2001
Weekend Players - Into the Sun (Tiefschwarz Club Vocal mix) (Multiply) 2001
Home & Garden - Find Your Love (Clockwork Reshuffle) (Icon)
Beats Pacific - Blacklands (Drop Music) 2001
DHJ Project - Your Spirit (TAK rmx) (DiY Discs) 2001
Ion - Everything (Aroma) 2005
Chris Grant - The Jimmy Jam (Sound Repupblic rmx) (Jackin Tracks) 2005
Piccolo Marco - Who's pimpom Who? (Peaches) 2005
Lee Mortimer - Flexy Beast (Lil Mark rmx) (Greenhouse) 2005
Greenskeepers - Go (No Assembly Firm rmx) (GK Music) 2005
Del Costa & Pedro Goya - Metropolis (No Ears rmx) (MFF) 2005
Benny Hill - Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West) (Continuum Records) 1993
Soane - Runaway (in music) 2004

Best taken with fake tans and forest creatures

Friday, October 14, 2005

Mans Best Friend

Dogs are known as "Man's Best Friend"

Do you know how long and hard they had to work to earn that title?

There have literally been millions of species of animals, birds, insects, etc. yet dogs got the nod out of all of them for that title. That's right, while cats were peeing on people's rugs, scratching the furniture, and ignoring people when called, dogs were working overtime. They were fetching papers, acting happy to see their masters, and wagging their tails every time someone even LOOKED in their direction.

What about rewarding hard work?
What about rewarding effort?
Not picking dogs after all that work is just wrong! They've earned it!

So would you rather have a loyal, caring pet, an animal that has worked for more than 2 millenia to earn the title of man's best friend?

Or on the other hand would you rather have a breath stealing, ALMOST wild animal that would eat you alive if it could?

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Disco derailed my train

My train went off the tracks yesterday, there I was my newly found Thomas The Tank Engine CD (its terrible for any parents thinking of purchasing) clutched in me sweaty hands and was all ready to have a play on the turntables then I hit that part of the day where mister “I can’t be arsed” flew in the window and thus all trains were delayed due to a body on the tracks at London Bridge – well not quite, though that is an excuse British Rail used every day for ten days on end for delays to the service I caught to work back when I lived in London, plonkers.

So no I didn’t make a mix CD yesterday, nor a cassette. I got side tracked and by the time I could have stepped up and laid down some phat beats I wasn’t in the mood. Instead I settled into my evening with a documentary, Maestro. Which is all about the early disco/house clubs of New York (mainly) centred around David Mancuso’s Loft parties and the Paradise Garage and Larry Levan.

Maestro, a feature documentary, tells the story of how a group of people found refuge and a call for life outside the mainstream, what evolved was a scene that set the ground work for what was to come in dance music culture worldwide.

A film 4 years in the making, a rare insight into the underground world as it was. It’s the first time this story is told in a motion Picture, included in the film are pioneer dance music DJs and producers, ”founding fathers”, its center being Larry Levan, as well as high-profile DJs of today.

It vividly portrays the world that spawned today's dance music from 2-step, to the eclectic sounds of tribal, to pop artists. Parties from Ibiza to Philly, all are influenced by the quintessential elements that made New York City's Paradise Garage and The Loft such a powerful cultural force in people's lives.

DJs Larry Levan (Paradise Garage) and David Mancuso (The Loft) continue to be revered today as the leaders of dance music culture worldwide. This seminal movement—encompassing dancers, patrons, artists, DJs, sound designers, and more—gave birth to DJ pioneers in the film and contemporary dance club parties across the globe.

Most film documents of this historical movement have fallen short of its true story and impact to the world, providing us with a glossed over account of the time. Opting for a more personal and candid approach, MAESTRO shows the true history of the people through a realistic creative aesthetic. Tracing the underground's dance origin, MAESTRO brings out a real understanding of this intense lifestyle, and the lives they lived and died for. It is far from mere nostalgia, this film is like the music and experiences it chronicles.

To be honest, I don’t feel the film lived up to the reviews I’d read about it. An essential film to watch, for those who care and know a bit about this incredibly important era, and these seminal clubs and DJ’s. Yet I didn’t learn anymore than I already knew, which I must admit is a bit, as I’ve read a few books that covered all that the film did, as well if not better.

Some of the personal accounts of the clubs, the dancers and the times are brilliant and made the film for me. To get a insight into the places and how it may have felt to have attended a night at either being the real treat I got out of the film. I’ll no doubt watch it again before I return it, plus I have yet to tackle the bonus footage on the two DVD set I have here.

I’ve met a two people in my life, who had attended the Loft, a couple of New York DJ friends who were inspired by the little they experienced - they caught the tail end it, just. One time they visited Auckland I quizzed them both about the Loft – as I was and am very much taken by David Mancuso. I can’t remember much about what these guys told me, though I can remember the look on their faces and the reverence of how they told me about their experiences, which said more than words ever could. Its not often, I think, many of us experience something unique, something different, something so special you just smile, smile like a big loon, relishing the moment so much that everything else pales in comparison.

I’ve had a few instances in my musical adventures that I file under that sort of deal. Not as historically important as either the Loft nor Paradise Garage perhaps, but for me equally as important and hell they’re my memories which is all important. One lot of experiences come from a club called the Paradise Club, but that’s another story built around booyaka’s and the Amen Break.

I signed up to DJ at a NZ Fashion Week do next week, at least I think its next week – why I signed up for that puppy I really don’t know. For I am neither fashionable nor a good DJ, I am not interested in too thin girls half my age – well hell naturally I am, they aren’t interested in me is how that should really read, and rightly so. I should know better than singing up for these things, yet I do every now and then, more so that I can say I’ve done it than any sort of fun that I may or may not have doing the damn things. I’m not a fashionable sort of guy and I do find most involved in fashion to be dead boring – who wants to talk and think about clothes all the time… I am thinking of aiming for mainly kiwi tunes, you know local fashion, local music. I wonder how the Dead C would go down….. like a cup of cold vomit no doubt.

I think I’ll forgo trains for flightless birds if the time and inclination grab me today.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Why are computers so frustrating?

I like to think of myself as relatively technically competent person. Not an expert yet no newbie either. I have a couple of Microsoft Qualifications which must count for something, old as the hills by today’s standards, but got em I did.

I spend a lot of time with my computers, I've three in the house of varying ages, one I only ever turn on if I want to play a very old game or read emails I sent and received years ago, one that looks and plays terribly on my laptop, its that old. One PC I only use for work stuff and then there's my real workhorse, the trusty laptop, which gets a hell of a lot of use.

All of them have benefited from many hours of fine tuning and tweeking on my part, they run well and usually I have very few problems with them. As technology has advanced I find myself having to actually know less to be able to do more with my computers. Hell, take this blogging lark - simple as it is, the writing is harder than setting up the blog and doing anything else. Some elementary HTML skills and a bit of common sense and, hey presto, a functional working blog. I am skipbo….

Recently I've been trying to record music mixes onto my computer so I can then burn em onto CD - you know share em with friends, keep a audio record of what’s cranking my wheels at a given point in time and possibly the biggest reason, cause I can. A very straight forward process and one would think simple and easy to setup. It is, I’ve done a bit of reading, got the correct cables and software needed and even almost brought the right recordable CDs, so onwards and upwards… but oh how stupid can you be.....

Having laboured away at this, sorting the theory and then setup I am still some way away from getting a clean and editable sound from the mixer to my computer. Perhaps I think about it more than I should, maybe. But its still been a process that has been harder and taken longer than it should have.

Man its been frustrating, more so cause I know how simple it is and should be. Imagine a frown on me brow and clenched fist thrust towards the screen.

After mucking around with different outputs from the mixer - yep the logical one doesn't work as it should and the one I know I shouldn't use, does... a few different editing programs to load and tweek the mix in have been road tested and most discounted cause they look and feel dumb and I am not and don't want to be an audio engineer so I want something simple and easy to use.

I've settled on sound forge, for one simple reason, its good, is easy to use for a lay person and perhaps most importantly of all I have a version that is, um, cracked. I shouldn't admit to this as this is piracy, I should know better and I shouldn’t be doing this. I've lost a lot of money due to people taking an attitude similar to mine here with regards to music (downloading/burning and well countless other reasons but that’s another story). Yet do it I have. I can justify away my actions kind of, yet that doesn't make it right. Well actually to be blunt I have no excuse that stands up to any real scrutiny.

I could even go as far as to say I've had a bad year financially so maybe I'll purchase the program once things start to look up - but that would be a complete fib, I have no intention of buying this program, as good as it is. If I was to purchase something I'd go for a more professional program that allowed for more music creation than simple editing, which I also won’t be doing as those programs run into the thousands of dollars and for at best a hobbyist unless I find myself super rich and a bit dim – why would I? For now at least. I am a pirate, minus parrot and a wooden leg. Now If I could just perfect the beard.

So anyway, is there a point to this? Well if there is I guess my point is, something that should be and is so bloody simple when applied to a computer is more often than not, a frustrating and overly complicated process.

Once it works, it is damn simple, but getting a bunch of already installed programs to not conflict with new ones, virus software that always seems to muck with system settings and start running whenever you don't want the damn things to etc. then to finally install and having running as one desires the software and get a clean sound from ‘a’ to ‘b’ has been a process I haven’t really enjoyed much. I am so close I can small the freshly burnt CDs filled with Daktari mixes, mashes and mulches.

Last night I all but sorted out my recording dramas, which means I shall soon - today maybe, be able to make my own mix CDs.

Then I and my musical buddy Mark, will be able to record our musical adventures and journeys, for prosperity. I should perhaps apologise in advance to those I shall unleash these CDs on – save for the bath, not the car…

I used to make mini disc mixes but unfortunately mini disc has become largely redundant compared to the uptake of the Ipod and other MP3 players. A shame cause mini discs in my view totally rock – and they are so easy to make.

Once I’ve isolated the weird sound that’s been buggering me around the last few days I’m away. Then the real hard and fun work shall start. For myself and my musical buddy Mark, have a lot of mixes to make, for no other real reason than we can. It’s a great way to play around with the far too many records both of us have and are continually accumulating. Dare I say it, hell yes, its way more fun than watching a game of rugby!

Technology is a wonderful thing when working well, computers have liberated and enabled us mere mortals to do things we probably shouldn’t.

With that in mind, once I’ve completed my chores for the day I shall be getting to work on my train set – no not a real train set…. my set of musical works loosely related to trains for my first proper mix CD – its going to sound well odd, I can’t wait til I get it right.

toot toot

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Monday, October 10, 2005

The Long and the Short Of It

Monday 2-4

Soul Ascendents - Tribute (Nuphonic) 1999
Soane - Tropical Snowstorm (Paper) 2001
Hugh Maskela - Don't Go lossing It baby (Zomba) 1984
Dubtribe Soundsystem - Equitorial (Imperial Dub) 2000
Faze Action - Kariba (Nuphonic) 1999
Gywn Jay Allen - I Luv You babe (Atlantic Jaxx)
African headcharge - Heading To Glory (On U Sound) 1993
Eva feat Suger B - Unite Tonight (Best Seven) 2004
Romanthony - Bring U Up (Glasgow Underground) 2000
Piccolo Marco - Who's pimpom Who? (Peaches) 2005
Gil Scott Heron - Whiteys On The Moon 1972
Freaks - Fly With me pt1 (MFF) 2001
Soultrust - Take My love Away (Soultrust) 2005
Sweet Clones - Vince's Big Con (DJ Sneak rmx) (Robsoul) 2005
Greenskeepers - On The Line (Mark Farina rmx) (GK Music) 2005
DJ Total M - Don't Cha (Mamas Home Cookin) 2005
Ion - Everything (Aroma) 2005
Benny Hill - Yakety Sax (intro) (Continuum Records) 1993

Best taken with communal wafers and watered down wine

Enough Already.... God are you listening?

Okay not God perhaps, as I don't have that belief/handicap.....

I am thinking this morning that perhaps the world has had more than its fair share of natural and people made disasters this year. The mind boggles at the number of people and other creatures that have lost thier lives due to these tragedies this year alone. Enough already!

Over 19,000 confirmed dead in Pakistan alone thus far with more predicted lost in the earthquake in and around Pakistan. My dear friend Cathy is somewhere around India, well out of harms way I hope.

1,400 people killed in a mudslide triggered by Hurricane Stan in Guatemala.

In Auckland we weathered some very harsh winds over the weekend, my window leaked and whilst no lives were lost I did have some books and CDs water damaged :(

It sure has been a rough year for many. I feel a little selfish sitting here wanting more leaves on the tree outside whilst so many others are fighting just to stay alive.

Spare a few minutes today to think of those not so well off as yourself. Especially those effected by this earthquake.

I'm now taking bets on when a fresh new volcano will take up residence in Auckland.... not on my watch I hope and for the sake of language not action, I pray.

Being Monday I have a radio show to prepare, and yet again my happy, smiley, silly, summery tunes will be on hold for another week.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Survivor Toyland

Oh the joys of the interweb, stumbled upon this site this morning

Tired of the countless mindless survivor shows?
Sick of so called celebs being stuck on a desert island?
Ever wondered what to do with ya doll collection?

At last the answer to all those vital questions

Survivor Toyland

For those who may have thought fighting on a Plateau of Mud was odd check this

"Select a representative from each team," Max told them "Then fight!"Pizzazz from Ibsy Dibsy wasted no time in stripping off and lunging at Barbie from Kukapoo."Bottoms up Barbie!!!" Pizzazz shouted pile driving Barbie into the mud before gasping in disgust "Oh for crying out loud Barbie. With all the crap you brought onto the island you could have at least packed some underwear!"

Need a giggle Survivor Toyland is bound to put a smile on ya face

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Dogs Rule!

I've always wanted a dog, a Saint Bernard to be precise - something about the whiskey barrel, the size and the hair... christ am I a closet metaller?

Well anyway, one day I want a dog, for many reasons, the best being that simply put, dogs rule!

You maybe of the opinion that, no cats rule - and your reasoning is no doubt stepped in some misguided notion that cats are cute.

Maybe like this one

I must admit to the wee thing having an inate charm, who wouldn't. However we all know wee cutie-pie would scratch ya eye out in a second, given half a chance it'd chew your face off without a seconds thought. Then probably cough up a fur ball on the carpet to round things off.

No I am sorry but a photogenic ball of fur doesn't disguise the fact that cats are lazy good for nothings that at best may deam your lap to be a good place to crash, but thats it.

Cats will never play catch or run around really excitedly just because you are there.

Lets look at some facts

Dogs come when you call them... Cats take a message and get back to you.

Dogs will let you give them a bath without taking out a contract on your life.

Dogs will bark to wake you up if the house is on fire... Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.

Dogs will bring your slippers or the evening newspaper... Cats might bring you a dead mouse.

Dogs will play Frisbee with you all afternoon... Cats will take a 3 hour nap.

Dogs will sit on the car seat next to you... Cats have to have their own private box, or will not go at all.

Dogs will greet you and lick your face when you arrive home... Cats will be annoyed that you went out at all.

Dogs will sit, lie down and heel on command... Cats will smirk and walk away.

Dogs will tilt their heads and listen whenever you talk... Cats will yawn and close their eyes.

Dogs will give you unconditional love forever... Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.

Dogs rule, okay.

One day I'll have me a dog, maybe a Saint Bernard.. one day I will use a spell check too...

not today though

Friday, October 07, 2005

Looks like we got ourselves a reader

so im in fife alabama and im hungry so i go to the waffle house..

yeah i know i was hungry...

so anway im sittin in the waffle house readin a book and the waitress comes up to me 'hey' (smacks gum) whatcha readin for?

....hmmm what am i reading for...well...mabey, so i dont become a fucking waffle waitress ok... (mumbles) what am i reading for...

'well why would you read when you can just flip on the tube'...

what do you think im readin? heehaw the book??

...then this trucker from the booth next to me gets up and says 'well, looks like we got ourselves a reader'

what the fuck? did i just step into the twilight zone?

i feel like i just walked into a klan rally in a boy george outfit."
Bill Hicks, muchly missed

A couple of longish articles I've read and been thinking about the last couple of days.

The first is a transcript of a speech given by Al Gore about media.

I was especially taken by this line, especially after our recent election, where we had lots of political news mainly centred on polls and sound bite and little actual information presented to us

The coverage of political campaigns focuses on the ``horse race'' and little else.
And another article I keep going back to about fantasy ideologies, in relation to Al Qaeda.

I don't agree with the writers slant but found the article very thought provoking and if anything I'd suggest the current US administration is labouring away under their own fantasy ideology.

Both could make for some interesting conversation with friends, family and others over a quiet drink or two....

Don't be shy to read them, after all reading is good for you

On high rotate in Daktari villas today - Ministry of Sound, One Half Of A Whole Decade a 3CD mix compilation from 96, with CJ Mackintosh, Todd Terry, Seb Fontaine, Jon Pleased Wimmin and LTJ Bukem w MC Conrad sharing the mixing honours. Crikey it sounds bloody fresh still and better yet reminds me of my good friend Sandra :)

Today there is a decent sprinkling of leaves on the tree outside, raise ya glasses to that action

Thursday, October 06, 2005


Big ups to TV3 news for not mentioning Judy Bailey's rather dubious title of Mother of the Nation title. I liked the different takes by the two broadcasters - TVNZ "she's stepped down", TV3 "Judy Dumped". Gotta love the vested interests taking care of business.

A congratulations to Fat Freddy's Drop on their winning of four Tuis at the annual backslap that is the New Zealand Music Awards. Congratulations to all the others too, but Fat Freddy's deserve extra attention, cause they are so bloody good. I must admit I really hate music awards, for many reasons the primary one being that they rarely reward talent and innovation, more often than not its all about status quo and the more generic stylings of the artists found under the wings of the major labels. Not always however, for in Fat Freddy's we have a act who are fiercely independent and one who not only deserve the accolades they are getting globally but are getting them now not after the fact. If you ain't heard of them, do ya ears a favour and check em out - perfect blissful downbeat stylings for summer evenings and a wonderful hodge podge of styles that speak so much for the diverse influences one is subjected to down here. Damn they are going on to bigger and better things I expect and rightly so.

I didn't attend the awards - must admit I really hate these sorts of nights, not to mention the fact its really expensive to attend. I could have a real rant here but to be honest I can't be bothered, lets just say these things tend to be more about the sponsor than anything else, a sad reflection I feel on well the world I guess. I didn't miss anything (except a hangover) that I can't imagine, instead I was playing round with a bunch of old dub records, which was good fun.

I see New Orleans city has laid off over 3000 staffers due to lack of funds, hows that for a kick in the nuts. Suffer throught he devastating hurricane only to then get a second bash of lossing your source of income.... I imagine many more stories of this sort are still to come, wonder who will get the lions share of the 60 billion aid package.... I doubt it will be those who have lost everything, but hey I am a cynic. On a bright note for that city, the death toll is quite a bit lower than the predicted 10,000, yet to reach the 1000 mark - was all that talk of looting and gun fights, bodies floating everywhere perhaps a little inaccurate one wonders? Too early to say maybe and when one does know it won't be news. Meanwhile over 60 people have died in Mexico due to hurricane Stan, virtually no news of that puppy down here, I wonder why?

I could ramble on a bit but bugger that, time for a shower, the day awaits and I've a CD of new Soultrust tunes and a Paul Woolford Essential mix currently downloading to check out, me a big fan of his Jackford Files boots and a lot of his other productions, so this should be a good day for me ears, may even drag out the Fat Freddy's 12"s I've got if the sun does what is expected of it today.

Rock on :)

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

She’s not the mother of my nation!

A cold yucky day in Aucklandtown, wind and rain batter my windows, the tree outside is still to sprout any decent leaves and oh how its been trying to for the past few weeks. It must be cold I'm wearing two pairs of shorts.

A dose of sunshine is sorely needed I think, and them leaves are vitally important for my Speedo wearing outside antics on the deck, due to the proximity of the road the tree is the general public’s only chance to be spared the sight of the late thirty something male’s nudist tendencies. I feel for them I really do, but when a mans gotta strut his stuff, well any form of modesty or simple good manners go out the window.

Stuck inside today, isn’t too bad I got stuff to do and the radio for company. This would be wonderful except for the hourly news bulletins that Judy Bailey is finally leaving her presenters roll at good ol TVNZ.

I’m not a One News watcher generally as I prefer the news on TV3, no idea why I do, especially since Campbell went onto his woman’s magazine disguised as current affairs muck that pushed my daily dose of the Simpsons outta the 7pm slot – for which I will no doubt be eternally bitter. I guess it’s a old sense of doing what the majority aren’t doing, that small boy sense of rebellion. As soon as 3 takes the ratings lead you watch me flick over to Prime, if they still do news that is.

Judy say’s she’s happy to go, so do the cabinet ministers who won’t be cabinet ministers in the now being formed government…. I don’t really believe the PR hype that she’s happy to leave, hell at around $800,000 a year salary I’d have super glued myself to the seat, in me speedos... with a paper bag on me head advising people I was there for ever.

No doubt she’ll have several offers already up her sleeves to feature in or produce something less time consuming, maybe something outside of her normal role of reading from a tele prompter, she could do some reality TV, maybe one of them shows that bastardise music or stick her on a deserted island with one worn pair of Speedos and a picture of the queen to keep her going.

Now I don’t begrudge her the huge salary she commands, nor make light of what actual talent it takes to be a very highly paid reader, basically. Hell I'd do it for half the salary, badly too I might add. Because as easy as it would be to belittle such a role, it’s not as simple as it sounds. Any high profile role comes with a lot of other factors that she will have been paid to carry - the onus of being such a public face for one and no doubt a lot of other things such as sitting in makeup for hours each week… I should stop that train of thought right there, or I’ll be playing with makeup again and I’m still trying to get the lipstick off me from last time.

I do take offence to the whole “Mother of the Nation” tagline given her, no doubt by some clever clogs in the marketing department. She’s not the mother of my nation, that’s for bloody sure. What a load of poppycock and worse how insulting to Judy and the rest of us kiwis. It’s bad enough this tagline was ever let loose into the public arena, worse yet is the way all the media I have sampled today has used it. Are their no journalists left? Can no-one write copy anymore without the need to throw in the generic sound bite and tagline…Please just one comment or bulletin without that line before I go to sleep tonight New Zealand media, please.

This is going to be the big news for a few days I can just feel it, she’s not even due to leave til the end of the year…. Come on there is actually real news out there people how about running some of that stuff pouring into your newsrooms from all them affiliates you all boast about so much, maybe from somewhere where the impeding departure of a news reader isn’t considered a potential national disaster.

Oh well I shouldn’t really complain, imagine if she’d been an All Black, no lets not…

Speaking of departures Ronnie Barker has shuffled off this mortal coil, one of the true comedy greats. RIP

Well hopefully tomorrow will bring some sunshine, I know I could do with some

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Bob & Bono update

OSLO (Reuters) - Rock stars Bob Geldof and Bono are among the bookmakers' tips to win the Nobel Peace Prize on Friday, alongside more orthodox candidates like campaigners against nuclear arms or a peace broker for Indonesia.

Experts are divided about whether the secretive five-member committee would dare to broaden the scope of the $1.3 million award in 2005 to honour Geldof or Bono, who have campaigned for years to ease hunger and poverty in Africa.

Last year, the committee won both plaudits and brickbats for awarding the prize for the first time to an environmentalist, Kenya's Wangari Maathai, for leading a campaign to plant millions of trees across Africa.

After that mixed reception, guardians of what many view as the world's highest accolade may be reluctant to be innovative a second time. A total of 199 candidates have been nominated for the 2005 award, which can be split up to three ways.

"If the prize branches out to virtually anything that is trendy, it stands to lose the intent that (Swedish founder) Alfred Nobel had -- to prevent war," said Janne Haaland Matlary, a professor of political science at Oslo University.

Lets hope the Norwegian's decision doesn't come from a block of wood...

Meanwhile my thoughts are with those caught in the recent Bali Bombings, for a account of this action take a gander at the Opinionated Diner, a kiwi in resident in Bali

As a species we so often seem to be at our most inventive when it comes to taking others lives, we are a plague on this planet

Song for the day - "Whitey's On The Moon" by Gil Scott Heron

Monday, October 03, 2005

The Long & The Short Of It

Monday 2-4pm

The Todd Terry project - Weekend (Warlock) 1988
Problem kids feat Denise Johnson - High hopes (Paperecordings) 1999
Mateo & Matos - Keep on Dancing (Glasgow Underground) 1997
Soul Ascendents - The String Thing (Nuphonic) 1999
Crazy Penis - A Little Something (Paperecordings) 1998
House Of 909 - The Children We Were (Pagan) 1998
Soane - Crazy Cousins (in music) 2004
Salt City Orchestra w Derrick Carter - Got Change For A Twenty (Paperecordings) 1998
Joe Malarkie - Rock The Remix (Peaches) 2005
DJ Total M - Don't Cha (Mamas Home Cookin) 2005
Ion - Everything (Aroma) 2005
Greenskeepers - On The Line (Mark Farina rmx) (GK Music) 2005
Chris Grant - The Jimmy Jam (Sound Republic Government McCheese rmx) (Jackin Tracks) 2005
Sweet Clones - Vince's Big Con (DJ Sneak rmx) (Robsoul) 2005
No Assembly Firm - Rock The Disko (Hudd Tracks) 2005
Swirl People - Play Along (Aroma) 2005
Herbert - See You On Monday (Phono) 1996

Best taken with lambsfry, turkey balls, swinging beef & rocky mountain oysters

Sunday, October 02, 2005


Tinky Wink Vodka and Big Fuck Off Clothes presents
The Third Annual Hobo Erotica Ball
a day/night for the sumptuous gothfolk

October 33rd 2005

"Hobo-Erotica a fascinating subculture of old-timers, young punks, stamp tramps and yuppie riders that populate the dark under belly of modern society. They have their own jargon. They have support networks They have hobo conventions. They even have hobo zines and the musical form, hobo erotica." Cemetry News 4/5/03


  • Doors open 10:00am at the Crypt entry by donation and the party starts as soon as the first cheap bottle of port is consumed
  • 11.00am - 9:00pm: Ambient sounds of the dead performed by Jim Morrison and Augustus Pablo
  • 9:00pm - 11:00pm: Gravedigger Gary will laydown on stage and gargle a bit
  • 11.00am - 12:00am: Join Decomposed Digby as he throws his own body parts at audience members, all whilst standing on a box
  • 12:00am - 4:00am: Old Married Men's Cemetary Lawnmower Bass Ensemble perform flight of the bumble bee
  • 4.00am - 6.00am: DJ Fisted with special guest appearance from MC Skele-Ton will drop some clangers
  • 6.00am - 8.00am: Be astounded by DJ Muncher as she spins around and around in cicles
  • 8.00am - 10:00am: Embalmer Ed and friends will shower the stage and generally look frightened
  • 10.00am - 12.00pm: Dance like a loon to Grave Digger Fred whose just itching a spot
  • 12.00pm til close: the hobo all stars karoke klub will perform the soup kitchen shuffle with turntable backing provided by Dan the Gravedigger Jones

Alongside the main performers there will also be meat raffles and a wet shoe contest

Onsite facilities include; Trestle tables laden with kegs of beer, a bouncy coffin and onsite colonic irrigation facilities by request

Directions: The mainstage is located behind the rusty holden thats parked beside the house truck selling crystals (mind the empty bottles), about 1 minutes walk from the Trestle Table

For all ticket and booking information please visit Hilda the Plamreader online for precise instructions and interesting observations

Press review of the last Hobo Erotica Ball:
"I knew it wouldn't be an ordinary gigbut I wasn't quite prepared for that I saw. The opening band's drummer was drawing on random peoples's legs with a magic marker. There was a guy staggerig around on stage dressed in this leather jacket and a jockstrap that said "Eat Me". He held a microphone in one hand and a jug of Jim Beam in the other. Everyone was hammered. When the beer ran out, people wrenched the jug from his arms to swig from it. Second act, Decomposed Digby looked like hell personified. There were gouges and scars everywhere and he was discolored, and frankly, starting to go bad after five days of preparation - according to his agent. He was leaking embalming fluid and it stunk as much as his 'act'. Next came the Old Married Men's Cemetary Lawnmower Bass Ensemble fronted by the ever aging old rocker Rod Stewart. One girl put her underwear on Rod's face. Other people were putting stickers on the walls, pushing pills and liquor into Rod's mouth, having their smiling pictures taken up by his arse. Taking his tongue out and playing with it.. the works. It was as though everyone ELSE was finally having THEIR way with the ensemble. Not long after I had to leave to attend another engagement. The stage director thought it was a scream, my departure - I was covered in shit. Most common phrase of the night had to be, "God woulda" wanted it this way."

Ladies please bring a breastplate, gentleman a shovel

In a deeply personal way, the night will touch on the freedom, hardships and surprisingly complex politics of contemporary living

hope to see you there