well it is that time of year, so sue me

New Year Resolutions

I hate New Year resolutions, an inane concept if ever there was one.

Yet in the interests of blogging and having something to say, for I have been quiet, I shall make an exception to my usual rule.

If pressed I guess every year I do have the same thoughts, that the next one I shall endeavour to have more fun, a simple premise and a noble one at that I reckon. Can’t really fail that sort of resolution, well not without some serious misfortune, of which I’ve had my fair share – haven’t we all, yet one can always have some fun in any calendar year so prepare to tick the ‘passed resolution box’ in about 365 ¼ days.

So heres me Resolutions:

I shall endeavour to have more fun
I will try my hardest not to give up smoking – take that ya anti smoking wowsers
I shall attempt to remember one programme for more than 30 seconds after reading a TV listing – what is it with TV guides, are they some sort of amnesia device?
I will exercise more often and more regularly
I will stop running
I will not become a food bore
I shall support all and any regime change in the United States Of America – the US population deserve a better way of governance
I will purchase more music and play it loudly
I shall not become a wine snob – what’s wrong with casks?
I shall drink more single malt whiskeys
I shall not learn to mix records, again. Enough of this handicap
I will talk more on the radio about the music I play (this could be a hard one)
I shall endeavour to be a better friend
I will watch less TV
I shall go to the theatre at least once
I shall attend an art opening for more than the free wine
I will laugh out loud as often as needed, I so can’t fail this one
I will work harder on my spelling, grammar and writing skills, or lack thereof
I will continue to blog
I will find fortune and buy a house and get a dog
I shall buy at least one lotto ticket to achieve the above
I will work harder but not necessarily longer
I will love and be loved
I will mend some broken fences
I will shun some that aren’t worthy my efforts
I shall spend some quality time on myself and with my friends
I shall spend some time with normal New Zealanders
I shall swear never to hang with normal New Zealanders again
I shall watch one game of rugby, maybe even go to a game…. Nah stuff that action, do I look brain dead?
I shall grow a beard and put flowers in my hair, ummm maybe not
I shall invent a cure for cancer and gift it to the world – yep I did get a ‘my first science kit’ from santa
I’ll spend some quality time with me family and show em my knees
I will listen to more music
I will stop taking spam so seriously and learn to accept my undersized member
I shall eat like a king and marry a princess, well the food bit anyways
I shall overcome adversity, handicap and disaster if any befall me
I shall stay true to my beliefs and be open minded to those of others
I shall catch up with some old and not seen for a long time chums
I will wish I hadn’t drunk so much on at least 37 mornings and one afternoon
I shall attempt to put some semblance of order into my music collection
I will go out more often
I will spend more time with little people, you know children, cause they really do rock!
I will be more positive, except when I’m hating
I shall adopt a foreigner and show em what is cool about my country
I will think about growing up and spending money on boring household items
I shall not take this list seriously nor make any conscious effort to achieving anything on this list, bar those I choose to

I think that should do it on a personal level, roll on the new year, I can’t wait to get stuck into these…..


2006 – some hopes/ideas for a better world

I hope that we finally discover or are discovered by an alien presence, one that doesn’t want to take our woman folk nor use us for target practice or anal probe us (well me at least)
I hope that them that are obsessed with profit and money find a means to do so that actually benefits humanity as a whole and not just themselves and their power elites
That world peace lark may just get popular with them that can actually make a difference
World hunger and poverty becomes the domain of history books
The word democracy actually has meaning again and isn’t applied on others by force
The Simpsons continues to be produced and doesn’t lose any of what makes it so damn fine
I’d say the end of all military, but I kind of dig tanks and the like, so maybe just change the death and killing aspect and replace it with beer and laughter
The dumbing down of society will reverse and be replaced by empowerment and education
Hollywood will start to make movies again and not just over priced, overly long remakes
Capitalism will be seen as the stupid old fashioned outmoded concept it is and be replaced with something workable and beneficial for all humanity
Politicians will learn that truth, honesty and honour are traits the public appreciate
People will realise David Hasslehoff is neither funny nor ironic; he’s just a shite actor with bad hair. Come on people lift ya standards
A cure of cancer, Aids and all those yucky diseases will be found that is safe, workable, and affordable to all and doesn’t involve the maiming or mocking of chimps
Spam will be eradicated, you evil fucks!
We will learn that physical beauty is only skin deep
Marketing people will learn that they are not essential to our collective well being and will earn less than street cleaners – a good product should always beat a good brand, you evil fucks!



Three things not to do in 2006

Don’t mouth breathe
Don’t hedge shape (it’s a sickness)
Don’t take wooden coins


Give peas a chance and see ya on the other side