Ewen Pearson: Supreme Overlord of dance music for 2008

So, I have elected myself Supreme Overlord of dance music for 2008. Well, benevolent dictator, at least.

Here are my decrees:

1. All producers will take a vow of chastity for the first half of the year. Have six months off. Learn to paint or to knit. Take up bird watching. Do some voluntary work in an old people’s home. Make yourselves useful.

2. Further to decree 1, all producers will count the number of remixes completed and records released in 2007 and release a third as many in 2008. Work harder than you did last year, but throw away everything you think is not genuinely going to add something to the world.

3. No releases will be allowed that are generated entirely by laptop or plug-in. All records should contain at least one certified example of someone hitting something real with a stick, yelling into a microphone, wrapping strings around an object and strumming them. That kind of thing. Documentary proof, photos etc, will be required.

4. Vinyl promo is henceforth banned.

5. At least 500 copies of every release must be pressed on vinyl, preferably in an attractive colour sleeve (remember, you learned to paint at the start of the year).

6. Said vinyl will be made available to record shops 14 DAYS before any electronic download release is permitted.

7. No digital download service will be granted ANY preferential treatment, lead-in times, rights or exclusivity in distribution over any other. Further they will mandatorily provide all downloads at no less than 320mbit MP3, AIFF or WAV.

8. EPs are henceforth banned. Two tracks per single release and no more will be permitted.

9. No house or techno record shall exceed 122BPM in tempo, and, further, every other release must contain at least one track that is 118BPM or slower. There will be no exceptions.

10. All DJs will undertake to change tempo at least once and play at least 3 vocal tracks or disco records in every two hour set of music.

11. DJs will undertake to be courteous and name any track they are playing to any member of the public that wants to know.

12. The public will refrain from asking the DJ to play harder / faster / better or “a request for my friend, as it’s her birthday”.

13. The superimposition of live percussion (comprising congas, bongos, timbales etc.) or saxophone over DJ sets is punishable by death.


Ewen Pearson


he makes some mighty good points